Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
