Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
