bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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