No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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