walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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