my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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