I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
