Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
