Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
