Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I want to be your penis for a week.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
