After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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