If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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