There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
