the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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