They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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