The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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