Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
