I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
