you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
