apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
