two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
