Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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