In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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