These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
