Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
