You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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