I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
