Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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