then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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