Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
