just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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