I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
