Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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