i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
