You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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