it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
