We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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