Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
