He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
