We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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