His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
