No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
