In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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