He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
