Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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