I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She told me I should be a condom model.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
