And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
