yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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