you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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