Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
